My poem - kiss

I like poems and I do poetry (just in Vietnamese) sometimes. Today, I have a strange thought: why I don't try to translate one of my poems into English? I hope it is still poem in English also. Ha ha.
This is the original Vietnamese version (hope you like it). In this poem, I wrote about a kiss.

Nụ hôn
Bóng tối chập chùng em và tôi
Phập phồng hơi thở cháy bờ môi
Tóc em xõa lấp màn đêm giá
Phủ cả hồn ta kín mất rồi

Translate into English:

Kiss
Is the dark moving or
... you and I?
Hurry in breath, lips are fire
Your hair is so black, cover the dark
Cover my soul... and my life

Do you have any idea about this translation? Is the translated version a poem in English?